Purple

Write on any topic of importance to you. If you have written a personal essay for another purpose – even an essay for another college – that you believe represents you, your writing, and your thinking particularly well, feel free to submit it.

There are many things in life I could do without: mosquitoes, watermelon seeds, telemarketers, bad weather, cars that won’t start, cold swimming pools, traffic lights, stuffy noses, people who disagree with me, and movies that look good until fifteen minutes after I’ve handed over my money. On the other hand, without the color purple, life would be utterly meaningless.Most people don’t realize how significant the color purple is. Some even deny that it is in fact a color, claiming that “violet” is more politically correct in these troubled times. The important thing is, however, that the world would not be remotely the same without purple.Food, as always, is of utmost importance. Now, purple isn’t a color I often see on my plate, but I would certainly be disappointed if all of the purple food disappeared. Where would we be without purple grapes? Certainly not where we are today. Sure, there would still be green grapes and red grapes (and whichever other color grapes those fruit husbandmen have conceived), but life is really all about the purple grapes. People would be so depressed if they were unable to have purple grapes that they would stop going grocery shopping altogether. Stores would go out of business, the economy would collapse, terrorists would bombard every major U.S. city, nuclear winter would engulf the northern hemisphere, an enormous asteroid would strike Tokyo, and the sun would collapse into a black hole. That doesn’t even take into consideration the emotional harm inflicted on children deprived of purple grape juice.Grape juice isn’t the only thing kids would miss. There would be no Barney. There would be no Harold with his purple crayon. There would be no one-eyed, one-horned, flying purple people eater. And coloring just wouldn’t be the same. What would happen when a poor little child unknowingly tried to mix the red crayon with the blue crayon? Probably nothing, since wax doesn’t blend well. But if a child were to try this unimaginable venture with paint, God only knows what would happen. I’m guessing there would be some kind of distortion in the space-time continuum, causing the Red Sox to beat the Yankees. (Hence, I just learned the value in procrastination, seeing as my analogy is now worthless.)As bad as a purple-less life might seem for children, gay people would have a much tougher time. No group of people can truly exist without an official color: the Communists are red, the Democrats are blue, and the gays are purple. Without purple (some people might say “lavender”), gay people would not have a color, and they might even cease to exist. That is, unless they were to acknowledge their color-deficiency and engage in a war against Communism over the intellectual property rights to the color red. Not only would war bring more disruption to the world, but the gay Communists would be completely ostracized from both sides. And if you thought the first gay Communist president would be elected this century, it would probably be at least another hundred years without the color purple.Of all the countries in the world, America would suffer the most from the absence of purple. What would there be to rise over the fruited plain if not purple mountain majesties? Mountains wouldn’t look majestic without their purple hue. I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that “for gray mountain monotonies above the fruited plain” just doesn’t sound right.Purple just doesn’t get the recognition it deserves. I never hear anyone talking about it anymore: red and blue are completely separate as far as the politicians are concerned. And nobody ever acts grateful to be blessed with such a nice color. With Thanksgiving coming up soon, I already know what I’m thankful for: the purple potatoes we’ll be eating! But I can definitely do without people who think purple looks good with yellow.

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